You Might Be In EMS If...

The following material is copyrighted by Michael Seaver, RN, EMT, and may not be reproduced without his permission.

  • You find humor in other people's stupidity
  • You believe than 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm
  • Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you
  • Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you sit down to eat
  • You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicer restaurants.
  • You plan your dinner break while lavaging an overdose patient
  • Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers
  • You believe chocolate is a food group
  • You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group
  • You believe a good tape job will fix anything
  • You have the bladder capacity of five people
  • You can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio
  • Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change
  • You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac
  • You firmly believe that if Dilantin, Haldol, Noranyl, and Narcan were put in the water instead of fluoride, dentists might be busier, but EMS would grind to a halt
  • You have your weekends off planned in advance
  • You automatically assume the patient is a drug seeker when presented with a complaint of: migraine; lower back pain; chronic myalgia; and a list of numerous allergies to meds (except Demerol); the statement that the family doctor is from out of town.
  • Your idea of comforting a child includes placing them in a papoose restraint
  • You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't have to deal with them any longer